Online Dating: the good, the bad, and the ugly

Hey there! Today we dive right in to my experience in the world of online dating.

Online dating.

Still today, even though an estimated 35% of relationships begin online, there is a big stigma that goes along with it.

Me personally? I am not embarrassed to admit that I was an avid participant. I went on over fifty first dates, and continued dating several of those men. Three of them I had “relationships” with. This does not include a few guys I dated but never became exclusive with.

I think online dating can be incredibly successful. But like any other kind of dating, there are pros and cons. We are going to take a look at the good, the bad, and the ugly.

The good

Online dating was fantastic for me in so many ways. After you finish college, you really just don’t encounter THAT MANY new people in your day to day life. At least I didn’t. Suddenly, there were all these single men in a nice organized fashion, sending me messages with the purpose of trying to date me! A lot easier for me than out in the real world where, unfortunately, men don’t come with bubbles over their head saying they are single, and happen to be into me.

I met a lot of great guys through online dating. People with whom I never would have interacted had I not met them through my computer screen. People who are smart, funny, interesting, attractive…it is not just a site full of socially-awkward hermits, folks!

Anyway, more on those good guys later. Moving on…

The bad

Like anything else, online dating is not without its flaws. My least favorite thing about it, hands down, is what I like to call the “I feel like I already know you” factor.

It is incredibly easy to spend weeks talking to someone through the computer before you ever meet. You learn about this person. You look forward to hearing from them. It feels like you are practically dating.

You aren’t.

This was the big mistake I made with the first person I ever met online. I met Jason on Plenty of Fish, and he seemed awesome. I couldn’t believe how I met such a cool person on my first try. He was attractive, smart, funny…

He also lived a good hour and a half away, so we waited several weeks before meeting. We talked online A LOT. And then finally, we met. And I felt…

Nothing. Nada. Zippo. It was clear from the start that his pictures were incredibly old. He looked nothing like them.  I just felt no connection. Which I guess would have been not so bad, had he felt no connection as well.

By the end of the date, he told me he was falling in love with me. He wanted to move to my city and thought he could relocate with his job. I was honest with him, while trying to be kind, and I broke his heart,

Yikes! Talk about a crazy experience for my first meet up! After that, I made it a rule that there would be only a few conversations and then a meet up must happen. It saves a lot of heartache in the long run.

The Ugly

Online dating does have a few ugly aspects to it….namely that people are much more willing to say things that they would never be willing to say to your face. It is all too easy to say crazy stuff when you can hide behind a computer screen.

Some guys will also try to insult you as a way to get your attention. I have personally never understood that one. Once, after I did not respond to a guy’s overly flirtatious messages, he told me that in my picture I was wearing so much makeup that it made me look like a “cereal killer”. That DID actually get a response out of me, I couldn’t help myself. I told him that thanks to his warning, my Lucky Charms now feared for their saftey. He responded with more flirtation.

Really.

That’s a brief overview on some of the pros and cons I have encountered while doing my time online.

Worth it? That’s for you to decide. For me, I would have to simply say yes.

Readers, what do you think? Was your experience with online dating anything like mine? Was it worth it for you? Let me know in the comments!

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What I have in common with “50 First Dates”

Welcome! Grab a comfy chair and a cup of your favorite beverage while allowing me to introduce myself. My name is Holly, and I am on a mission to create a space all just for you.

Yes, you read correctly. This page is all for you. If you are a woman who just can’t seem to find a man who wants what she is looking for, you are in the right place. If you are a man who is wondering why women are always pressuring you for more than you want to give, welcome. Help yourself to the refreshment table.

Perhaps you are just stopping by for a good laugh. You are in good company. My history of dating opens up a good deal of humor along with the wisdom I have come to acquire over my multitude of dating experiences!

Have you ever heard of the movie “50 First Dates”? If you haven’t had the opportunity to check out this movie…well, you aren’t missing much. So allow me to spoil it for you. It is about this woman who has amnesia in that she can’t make any new memories and so every day this guy who is interested in her tries to get her to fall for him over and over again.

Shockingly, it never won an academy award, but it brings up two relevant facts for me. One is that I could create a movie by a similar title about the fact that I myself have been on “50 first dates”. Actually, it is quite a bit more than that, but you get the idea.

Secondly, I have actually lived this movie. No, no, I have never had amnesia. At least not that I can remember. (Don’t worry, you’ll get used to the puns) However, I have tried to make someone fall in love with me every day over and over again.

Yes, one might say that I have about as much self-respect as a dog performing every trick from rolling over to driving your mother in law to her bookclub all for a measly crumb of bread.

But where does the truth lie? We see movies like “The Notebook” where Noah writes Ally, his whirlwind summer lover, a letter everyday for a year. That’s 365 letters folks that he continues to write after nary a response! In real life, people might call him a stalker. But in the movies, he is the epitome of a romantic man. The kind of man many women hope to find someday.

One of my focuses on this blog will be to look at this dichotomy from a new lens. What makes a behavior “romantic” and what makes it undesirable?

It all comes down to knowing your audience, and them knowing you. It is perfectly acceptable to declare your love to someone as you are on one knee proposing marriage. On the first date, not so much. (Yes, this has happened to me. Yes, it scared me off.)

Love. Sex. Dating. Friends with benefits. Exes. This blog will be about my experiences with these topics, but more importantly, I hope that it will help you to look at things from a different lens. What are your dating goals? There are no right or wrong goals, but our goals require different paths to achieve.

If you are interested in learning more about my take on these topics, please stick around and subscribe to be notified when new post are available for you to view. If you have a topic or question you would like featured, let me know in the comment section!

I am so excited to be on this blogging journey with you, and can’t wait to share my experiences with you, past, present, and future!